I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a year go away! And that is saying quite a bit considering 2009 brought me a 2 month premature baby in February who was rehospitalized in April and got a heart transplant in July of that year. But, still, getting the heart was good news and although the year sucked in many ways, it was a year that made me recognize how many great friends and family members I had.
This past year was full of bad news and crappy experiences dotted with good things that were few and far between. We found out in March or so that a "bump" during a biopsy had damaged a valve in my daughter's heart that would require a second open heart surgery. Prior to figuring out that surgery would be needed, her chest filled up with fluid and we were in the hospital for a week with a chest tube to get it drained so she could stop struggling to breathe. In addition, she had to go on another medicine, to add to the five she was already on regularly. About the same time, we found out that my mom's cancer was back and she was going to have to have surgery and do yet another round of chemo. She has since done a round of chemo, started another, had a reaction about 2/3 of the way through the second one and is convinced she is terminal. My dad's dementia got much, much worse as well during the first half of the year. After the open heart surgery in May, we spend almost two weeks in the hospital and then a good three or four weeks at home pretty miserable dealing with the healing. No swimming was allowed during the first two months of the summer due to the surgery. We ended the summer with a tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy for my daughter that was horribly needed, but required another week in the hospital and another period of recovery at home. Finally, my finances have not really improved at all despite my husband taking a higher paying job that requires him to be away from home for three to four nights a week. This on top of the seven weeks he spends away from home during the summer at camps. The last part of the year has been better than the first, but it still hasn't brought rose petals and champagne.
So, I'm hoping for 2013 to be better. I'm not going to say it can't get worse, because I realize it could get worse...much worse. But, I am going to enter the new year with some optimism that things will continue to improve. That we will be able to go a few months without anyone in my immediate family being in the hospital for more than a few hours. I am also hoping that I can finally find me in this crazy world that I have somehow created, but yet still do not really feel a part of in any meaningful way. I have a job that I enjoy, but I don't have any sort of a community there. I love the city I live in, but I don't have any real circle of friends in that community either. I have a great family, but I often feel disconnected and rushed through the experiences I share with them. So, I am going to do my best to change some of those things and to embrace the reality of my life while still maintaining some sort of normalcy.
I am also looking forward to all of the cliche new year resolutional goals: getting in better shape/healthier, getting more organized, getting out of debt and on the way to financial independence/success, being more kind, etc., etc. I probably won't be able to achieve any of those things, but I will always aim high and maybe I will get off the ground a little.
Anyways, I may post again before 2013, but thought I would get a post in here and now while I was thinking about how much 2012 has given me gray hair and tired me out. Here's to 2013 being better. Much, much better.